Following the events in London the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. 

The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. 

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military.

Updates from around Europe...

The Italians have increased their alert level from "shouting excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans have also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "full dress-uniform and marching songs". They have two higher levels, "invade a neighbour" and "lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from "isolationism" to "find somewhere ripe for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "take on the world" and "ask the British for help".

Finally here in UK we've gone from "pretend nothing's happening" to "make another cup of tea".

Our higher levels are "chin-up and remain cheerful" and "win".