Counsel: What is your name?
Chrysler: Chrysler. Arnold Chrysler
Counsel: Is that your own name?
Chrysler: Whose name do you think it is?
Counsel: I am just asking if it is your name
Chrysler: And I have just told you it is. Why do you doubt it?
Counsel: It is not unknown for people to give a false name in court
Chrysler: Which court?
Counsel: This court
Chrysler: What is the name of this court
Counsel: This is No 5 Court
Chrysler: No, that is the number of this court. What is the name of this court?
Counsel: It is quite immaterial what the name of this court is!
Chrysler: Then perhaps it is immaterial if Chrysler is really my name
Judge : Mr Lovelace?
Counsel: Yes, m'lud?
Judge : I think Mr Chrysler is running rings round you already. I would try a new line of attack if I were you
Counsel: Thank you, m'lud
Chrysler: And thank you from ME, m'lud. It's nice to be appreciated
Judge : Shut up, witness
Chrysler: Willingly, m'lud. It is a pleasure to be told to shut up by you. For you, I would...
Judge : Shut up, witness. Carry on, Mr Lovelace
Counsel: Now, Mr Chrysler - for let us assume that that is your name - you are accused of purloining in excess of 40,000 hotel coat hangers
Chrysler: I am
Counsel: Can you explain how this came about?
Chrysler: Yes. I had 40,000 coats which I needed to hang up
Counsel: Is that true?
Chrysler: No
Counsel: Then why did you say it?
Chrysler: To attempt to throw you off balance
Counsel: Off balance?
Chrysler: Certainly. As you know, all barristers seek to undermine the confidence of any hostile witness, or defendant. Therefore it must be equally open to the witness, or defendant, to try to shake the confidence of a hostile barrister
Counsel: On the contrary, you are not here to indulge in cut and thrust with me. You are only here to answer my questions
Chrysler: Was that a question?
Counsel: No
Chrysler: Then I can't answer it
Judge : Come on, Mr Lovelace! I think you are still being given the run- around here. You can do better than that. At least, for he sake of the English bar, I hope you can
Counsel: Yes, m'lud. Now, Mr Chrysler, perhaps you will describe what reason you had to steal 40,000 coat hangers?
Chrysler: Is that a question?
Counsel: Yes
Chrysler: It doesn't sound like one. It sounds like a proposition which doesn't believe in itself. You know - "Perhaps I will describe the reason I had to steal 40,000 coat hangers... Perhaps I won't... Perhaps I'll sing a little song instead..." 
Judge : In fairness to Mr Lovelace, Mr Chrysler, I should remind you that barristers have an innate reluctance to frame a question as a question. Where you and I would say, "Where were you on Tuesday?", they are more likely to say, "Perhaps you could now inform the court of your precise whereabouts on the day after that Monday?". It isn't, strictly, a question, and it is not graceful English but you must pretend that it is a question and then answer it,
otherwise we will be here for ever. Do you understand?
Chrysler: Yes, m'lud
Judge : Carry on, Mr Lovelace
Counsel: Mr Chrysler, why did you steal 40,000 hotel coat hangers, knowing as you
must have that hotel coat hangers are designed to be useless outside hotel
wardrobes?
Chrysler: Because I build and sell wardrobes which are specially designed