How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of drinking and thought 'How did I get home?'? As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the bar to your home. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter. The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices. The beer scooter works in the following fashion: The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the slurring gland begins to give off a pheromone.

Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone and sends down a winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal.

It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'. Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for 90% of all UDI (unidentified drinking injuries).

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause
the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific consequences. Beer Goggles are the amazing pieces of ophthalmic equipment supplied free with all alcoholic beverages. The goggles have been cunningly crafted so that they only begin to work after the users fifth or sixth drink. They work in the following
manner:

(a)The subject is suddenly gripped by passion and they begin to look ravenously about the drinking establishment in search of members of the opposite sex;

(b)They spot a target and initiate various mating rituals.
The problem with the goggles is that if they were removed, the object of their attentions would be less than desirous:-

(i)The goggles intercept the input to the eye and by a top secret process know as beer-befuddling change it so that the target appears as to be the most handsome/beautiful specimen they have ever encountered; and

(ii) A secondary effect of the goggles is to translate all messages spoken by acquaintances.

An example of this effect was monitored under laboratory conditions.

Test Subject 1: "Do you see her over there? She's gorgeous she is."

Test Subject 2: "She is an absolute minger my friend, leave it alone."

Test subject 1 was later asked what he thought was said, his reply was recorded as follows:

"Test subject 2 said, yeah she is a stunner mate and is gagging for you."

The conclusion it is recommended that beer goggles are only used by trained personnel or people of a none too fussy disposition