The Queen was visiting one of London's top hospitals and she specified she wanted to see absolutely everything. 

During her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my", said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?" 

The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry Your Majesty, but this man has a very serious medical condition and is only following doctors' orders. 

His body produces too much semen and his testicles keep overfilling. Until we can find out exactly what is causing this problem he has been instructed to do that at least 5 times a day or there is a very real danger that his testicles will explode, and he would die instantly." 

"Oh, I am so sorry", said the Queen. 

On the next floor they passed a room where a nubile young nurse was giving patient a b*** job. "Oh my", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?" The Doctor replied, "Same problem, but he's with BUPA."